The Way We Weren’t

The Way We Weren't    

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When Homer and Bart fight over the use of a beer bottle Milhouse wants to use, it lands them in the Simpson family court, which is held in the living room with Lisa presiding as judge. Bart dares Homer to tell if he ever kissed a girl as a ten-year-old, but when Marge says that Homer’s first kiss was with her in high school, Homer confesses that it was not his first kiss. Homer recalls that when he was 10, he went to a camp for underprivileged boys, Camp See-A-Tree, where Homer met Lenny, Carl, and as a counselor, Moe (although in reality Moe’s parents had just abandoned him at the camp). It turned out during the evenings the summer camp was more like a prison as they had to work as servants in the kitchen at a girls’ camp Camp Land-A-Man across the lake, because due to parents’ lawsuits, the boys’ camp could not afford the fees. Homer found a retainer and returned it to the girl who lost it, though he could not see her (they were separated by the kitchen wall). She asked Homer to see her later that night. He did so, even though due to an accident with a switchblade he was wearing an eye patch.

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Homer tells Bart and Lisa that she was the prettiest girl he had ever met until he later met their mother. However, Marge surprises everyone by admitting that she was that girl Homer met and that if she had known that Homer was the boy she would have never married him. Marge gives her side of the story, saying that she was with Patty and Selma, Helen Lovejoy, Luann Van Houten and Cookie Kwan at their camp, “Camp Land-A-Man”. She fell in love with the boy who returned her retainer, but the other girls joked at what his name could be, settling coincidentally with “Big Ugly Homer,” prompting Homer to give her a false name “Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar”.

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To prepare for the date, Marge ironed her hair to make it straight, but burned it brown by accident, which she explains was why Homer did not recognize her in high school. She met Homer, and after a long awkward moment of self-consciousness for both, they finally kissed, leading each to dream of being in an imaginary paradise (both equally colorful, though Marge’s paradise is a high fantasy fairy tale while Homer’s is a darkly comedic candy land where Homer devours all living things that he sees ahead). They agreed that the following night they would meet again, but Homer did not come for Marge, who waited the entire night and left in the morning deeply saddened. Marge mentions that because of boy Homer she could not trust another boy for years. Homer then gives his side of the story explaining why he did not show up. He claims that right after the date, during which he had given Marge a heart-shaped rock he had found, he was so dazed with bliss that he accidentally fell off a cliff into the lake and drifted to a fat camp, “Camp Flab-Away”, which counted Mayor Quimby, Chief Wiggum and Comic Book Guy as its participants. He is caught by the Camp Instructor (who does not distinguish between boys who drift into the camp and actual participants).


The episode title refers to the 1973 film The Way We Were. Similarly, the twelfth episode of Season 2 was titled “The Way We Was”. The camps See-A-Tree and Land-A-Man are an apparent homage to the 1960s sitcom Camp Runamuck which focused on a camp for unprivileged kids and another quite different camp for girls. When Homer needs to cross the river to meet Marge for their date, Homer looks between the water and a nearby rowboat, and states “Hmmm… It’s row versus wade… and it’s my right to choose.

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